The Day Swagger Died

When Cher Lloyd’s debut single, ‘Swagger Jagger’, was leaked last week, it arguably became the most offensive piece of content to be leaked into the British media since the Hitler Diaries were released by Rupert Murdoch’s ‘The Times’. Much like the deceased Führer’s forged documents, Cher Lloyd’s first release bears little or no resemblance to what would have been considered even sub-standard Pop music in the past.

Oompa-Loompa Doopedy Doo

Some of you may know Lloyd as an X-Factor reject come good, others as the semi-black, quarter oompa-loompa and quarter whiney annoying cretin who recently entered the charts, and the vast majority will know her as the poor man’s Cheryl Cole.

To clarify: I even see Cheryl Cole as a downgrade on most of the pop-stars around and I don’t think she’d have found half the success she has done if any other member of Girls Aloud would have had a bit more of an edge to them as opposed to their shared vapidity.

Despite all this, Cher Lloyd is definitely the Firkins to Cheryl Cole’s Greggs, or even the back-street crack den to Cheryl Cole’s high grade whorehouse.

Now, on to Miss Lloyd’s debut single. Despite my natural hatred for a girl claiming to have ‘swagger’ when she’s from rural Worcestershire, I couldn’t fault her if she actually produced music that didn’t completely violate my ears, but that’s the entire problem with this song; it is literally the worst thing to ever happen involving anything.

Very often in the music world, people earn the right to either be arrogant or even to sell themselves as a brand – take Lady Gaga for example. The issue I take with Cher Lloyd though is that, if you strip back the natural bullshit aesthetic to her persona, she’s just the British Rebecca Black: talentless.

Firstly, why does Swagger Jagger take a sample from the nursery rhyme ‘Oh my darling, Clementine’? Secondly, Cher, I have my own swagger actually, and I store it appropriately in my purpose built swagger satchel, and thirdly, what the fuck is a Jagger?  

As much as I detest music like this, people do seem to treat these songs as a microcosm of the charts altogether nowadays, which is wrong, but artists like Cher Lloyd, and even Cheryl Cole don’t show anything other than that good looks and a half-baked idea can get you a long way nowadays.

People will disagree with me, and that’s their prerogative to, but I’d just give up altogether if I was one of the many talented acts that will undoubtedly fall below this latest chunk of plastic, manufactured pop-trash because they don’t stand a chance. Any publicity’s good publicity though, ay?

The Black Plague

Holy Sh*t, Saturday Comes After Friday!?

First, there was the Jonas Brothers, then Bieber Fever and now - the Black Plague. Admittedly, this Black Plague won’t kill almost half the population of Europe, but I’m sure that percentage will be left dead on the inside by it.

So what day does come after Friday, which seat should we take if multiple options present themselves, and just how far can the utter stupidity of some people stretch itself? All of these are valid questions, and all are legitimately answered in thirteen year-old Rebecca Black’s debut single, Friday.

I literally can’t describe the song or the video, and I don’t particularly want to, at risk of being charged with assisted suicide. In fact, the only way I can put it is, imagine if Rainman had a pen, his own recording company and a calendar, then dumb it down a bit.

The main issue I take with the video stems down to three things. Firstly, where the fuck did the bus go? Secondly, how did a group of thirteen year-olds get access to a car? And Thirdly, surely there's something just a little bit amiss with a middle-aged stereotypical bloated version of Usher heading to the same party as said thirteen year-olds.

The YouTube phenomenon has sparked more criticism than praise and will definitely leave you in a state of confusion. Like Lost, Rebecca Black’s debut single will leave you with more questions than answers, but, sadly, unlike Lost, she isn’t trapped on an island for all eternity.

I think whether you like it or not, Rebecca Black is here to stay along with Justin Bieber, Willow Smith and all the other little antichrists. So, unless you can fart out Alphabetti Spaghetti to make better lyrics than Black’s (which you probably can), I'd get used to it.

Sorry it's such a short post this week guys! I've been seriously busy, and for that reason, there won't be a usual second post tomorrow, but normal service will resume next week! Keep up the views too, your support has been amazing, and the blog couldn't have progressed at all without you!

Elbow & My Pick Of The Weekend's Music

Band Of The Week - Elbow

New Album: Build A Rocket Boys!

At first glance, Elbow may not seem to live up to their larger than life hype; it may seem hard to understand how the music portrays the band’s bigger picture, but that’s just it. You can’t understand the bigger picture until you’re on the same wavelength as the smaller one, and this is where Elbow excel.  



Lead singer, Guy Garvey, depicts an improbable artist on first impressions: burly, slightly uncouth and seemingly bereft of confidence. His lack of confidence is present throughout the band’s new album, Build A Rocket Boys!, as he wrestles from head to heart in an effort to form an accurate portrait of his hometown of Manchester.

The bearded frontman’s brushstrokes allow the sullen to meet the soothing in what is perhaps the most complete album of the year, so far. I said before that at first glance Garvey appears to lack in confidence, and though that may be true, his words evoke a state of rapture that is unmatched in warmth and wholesomeness by any other band.

Elbow are by no means the product of a bygone generation of music, nor are they of a current trend, they’re something so much more.

On their latest single, Lippy Kids, Garvey and his troupe manage to, yet again, perfect the transition of making an ordinary story into something truly extraordinary, something reminiscent of a childhood memory, something brilliantly beautiful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc5fX4TytFE

If You Listen To Anything This Weekend, Listen To...
Alex Turner - Piledriver Waltz:

Sheffield's Shakespeare - Alex Turner

Stare deep into the heart of any Arctic Monkey's song and you’ll always find the most unlikely looking of wordsmiths - Alex Turner. Turner has always had the ability to croon with an eerie sincerity about anything from life’s most tasking questions to its most trivial. If there’s a greater modern-day raconteur, I’d be surprised.

On the Sheffield lad’s latest adventure, he seeks to find solace in a more acoustic sound. Debut solo album, Submarine EP, marks the soundtrack to the new British comedy film of the same name. The standout single on the CD, Piledriver Waltz, sees Turner attempts to reassuringly serenade his audience through their experiences of heartbreak. A feat that he manages to do so effortlessly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uij9h6N2zzE

Vato Gonzalez ft. Foreign Beggars - Badman Riddim (Club Mix):
House music, take note. If you want an instant club classic, follow the same basic formula: lay down pulsating bassline, add generous portion of Foreign Beggars, wash, rinse, repeat. House music is undergoing somewhat of a revival in recent times under the eagle-eyed guidance of groups such as Swedish House Mafia, and the wheels aren't showing signs of slowing up any time soon.



Introducing Vato Gonzalez - an artist fresh out of Holland that looks set to break the mould for how underground dance music should sound. His sound is one that wreaks havoc on the senses in the best way possible, and with the aid of the Foreign Beggars, the upcoming DJ definitely looks to have a hit firmly within his reach with Badman Riddim.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PaRVAdD4XY

Flavour Of The Week

Band of the Week - Cage the Elephant

The Kentucky Rocker's New Album

For those of you who have not heard of my pick for this week's band of the week, Cage the Elephant hail from Kentucky, United States and I guarantee you that the band's name is every bit as enigmatic as their music, but that's what makes the quintet such an endearing package. Spearheaded by eccentric frontman Matthew Shultz, the group fuse together your typical alternative rock with a partially revived punk blues sound.

The band's first, self-titled, album, Cage the Elephant, was recorded in just 10 days, released to great critical acclaim, and left its listeners reeling from a sound that hit them like "a punch in the face" according to lead vocalist, Shultz. So, what's to like about that? Their first album tells tales of guilty pleasures, none more so than on their third released single, Ain't No Rest for the Wicked, and to tell you the truth, their light-hearted take on all things socially relevant is hard not to be enticed by.

So, what now for the raucous five-piece? On their upcoming second album, Thank You Happy Birthday, they seek to find a more soulful sound, indicative of their growing age and maturity as a band. If their first single, Shake Me Down, is anything to go by, Cage the Elephant have finally found a less turbulent, more concise sound, that they seemingly ease into in natural fashion. As expected, vibrant guitar flourishes and Shultz's raw emotion are still prominent throughout the course of the track. In my opinion, the band have finally found their forté in their latest helping of controlled chaos.

Their new album is scheduled for release on iTunes on 21st March and here's the link to the brand new single, Shake Me Down - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v27TRan1SBI

If You Listen to Anything this Week, Listen to...
Foo Fighters - Rope:

A Beautiful Man, With A Beautiful 'Stache

Dress it up however you like, Foo Fighters kick ass. In fact, they have the ability to repeatedly kick ass, then provide an in-depth commentary into just how they kick ass, and present it as a single. Their latest helping of refined brashness is no different. The typical Foo formula for success is instigated once again on new single, Rope. Throw together Dave Grohl's ingenious songwriting along with a purely emotion-fuelled performance on the drums as well as one hell of a guitar solo too, and, hey presto, you've got yourself another hit.

You can't help but wonder that, if it wasn't for Dave Grohl et al, the rock-based music scene would be a whole lot less exciting, dominated by Nickelback, and, as a consequence, the world would be a worse place to live in. Here's the link to new single, Rope - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=At3rZUgQsh8

Cults - Go Outside:
My second single of the week is the brainchild of a band whose image is possibly more innocent than kittens, rainbows and a Mogwai rolled into one. Boy/girl duo Cults are an unknown quantity to some extent; I could tell you more about quantum physics than I could about their history as a band. This is largely down to the fact that searching for information on the group seems to be a less worthwhile effort than searching for the meaning of life, but mainly because I am, in fact, a young, British, facial hairless Albert Einstein.

With a lazy bassline reminiscent, in effect, to that of Peter, Bjorn, and John's cult hit, Young Folks, Go Outside floats on like a dream, pausing only to appreciate it's own natural beauty, as pertained through it's softly cutting glockenspiel melody. Here's the link to that song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHhEBqRTXdk

Weeky Roundup - Paul the Octopus, Benjamin Francis Leftwich & charlieissocoollike

Here is just a brief flavour of my past week: what I've been reading, what I've been watching and what I've been listening to. I hope you all enjoy the links and your weekend itself.

My Artist of the Week - Benjamin Francis Leftwich.
For the past few years, the genre of acoustic music has undergone somewhat of a revival and has thrived under the messiah-esque influence of such artists as Damien Rice, Joshua Radin and Newton Faulkner to name but a few. But the artist that I want to talk to you about today brings a new vibe to the genre, a vibe with clear intentions to abolish the somewhat depression-enducing stigma that has become synonymous with most things acoustic.

The artist that I refer to is Benjamin Francis Leftwich. Leftwich's sound could be most appropriately described as a refreshingly optimistic blend of lyrics that sprout roots from the very beginning of each song before immediately flourishing with an ever-increasing allure that makes the Yorkshire-born songwriter so effortless to listen to. Each line that Leftwich recites is tied to the next by a vocal delivery that befittingly carries a delicate conviction that only he has yet been able to pull off with such success. This troubadour is surely destined for success as long as he continues to bear the same enchanting, ethereal aura in his music as he has so far. To me, he is a must for any fans of Joshua Radin, Damien Rice, Jose Gonzalez and even Jazon Mraz.

Here's the link to my pick of his songs: Atlas Hands - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pyue2N1XZ0M&playnext=1&list=PL6ECDF5856A1EE64C&index=68

My Story of the Week - Paul the Octopus Becomes Larger Than Life.
As some of you may know, earlier this week, football World Cup prediction sensation Paul the octopus  had a memorial built in honour of his unrivalled achievements. By unrivalled achievements I mean he would swim over to one of two boxes bearing the flags of two opposing nations prior to a World Cup match to attempt to retrieve a mussel contained within each box. Seemingly whichever box the octopus chose to approach first - before dry-humping it senseless - was chosen as the cephalopod's 'prediction', and throughout the World Cup every prediction that he made was proven to be correct. The one major flaw to this whole process was the fact that on most occasions Paul opted for the box on the right side of the tank, which also coincidentally represented the more favoured team to win each match.

Now, I have no problem with pointless memorials but this tops the lot. Don't get me wrong; I love Paul the octopus, but it's the kind of undeserved credit that makes you think maybe Jeremy Kyle deserves a knighthood for his services in the field of supplying prospective McDonald's staff with free advertising on television. I also think that if you're going to produce a monument at least don't make a six foot replica of an octopus shooting a giant football out of its own fart box. I've come to the conclusion that the monument either looks like that, or a deleted scene from Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. Anyway, regardless of my opinion, the monument has been erected and Paul the octopus will presumably stand the test of time. Surely this marks a dawn to a new era in which future monuments will be erected for our generation's most talented, such as a ten foot tall Cillit Bang bottle in honour of Barry Scott oustanding services to advertising.

Here's the link to the photo of the monument and the story itself - http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110120/ap_on_sp_ot/eu_germany_octopus_oracle

My Video of the Week - The Alex and Charlie Pilot.
Last but not least here's my video of the week. I'm going to keep it short and sweet but any fans of YouTube celebrities Charlie McDonnell, Alex Day or simply YouTube 'vloggers' in general will love this video. He's a personal favourite of mine and I'd say he's definitely worth a look.

So yeah, here's that link - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7DML3VDlTA

Anyway guys, that's your lot from me for this week. I'm also contemplating whether to continue with the two blog posts a week or whether to simply revert to one which I can just put more time and effort into. So I need your opinion, to offer it to me simply vote in the poll on the right-hand side of your screen. Thanks.

The Past Week in Links - Alcoholic Birds, Funeral Party & Rémi Gaillard.

As the working week draws to a close I thought I'd keep you guys filled in about gems from across the interwebs - YouTube specifically - and the world in general that have kept me occupied for the past 5 days. So I hope you all enjoy them.

My Band of the Week - Funeral Party.
Hailing from the city of Whittier in California, my selection for band of the week are what can only be described as an eccentric almagamation of alternative/indie rock/dance punk/any other genre you can think of, Funeral Party. This band seem to tick all the right boxes when it comes to embodying an abundance of all the qualities that modern-day music has seemingly become bereft of. The first time I had the chance to hear the highly energetic quintet was live at Reading Festival 2010 at the Festival Republic Stage. In little over half an hour they managed to win-over what was a somewhat subdued crowd at the start of the show with their own, seemingly patented, clusterfuck of craziness. With their debut album scheduled to be available on iTunes from the 24th of this month, Funeral Party seem set to be one of the hottest bands of 2011 and I honestly can't recommend this band highly enough to anyone who's open to embracing a new, raw, crisp sound.

Link to their debut single NYC Moves to the Sound of LA - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1ZR9R9LVeQ

My Story of the Week - Binge Drinking Birds.
As some of you may of heard, during the beginning of 2011 there were reports of masses of birds unfathomably plunging to the ground and perishing throughout the globe. Now, whilst many scientists have rather predictably identified numerous, conflicting reasons for the vast carnage, the head of the veterinary authority in the city of Constanta, Romania discovered a more peculiar cause. Romeu Lazar found that "tests on five birds showed gizzards full of grape marc which caused their death," which is a by-product formed from the production of wine. So in summary, the birds were off their faces, and as a consequence must have thought themselves to be indestructible. It's not that I don't find this story tragic, but it does kind make me wonder as to whether a new special edition of Angry Birds may become available on the iTunes App Store soon. Also, when I think of an intoxicated entity hitting the deck I can't help but think of a boozy, loudmouth faceplant onto the curb as they come out of a club on a Friday night out. Now it's not that I shouldn't be mature enough to look at that with a straight face at my age, but I think it's an event that always verges on the point of being piss-pants-hilarious to anyone that happens to be there.

Anyway, here's the link to that rather crazy story - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41037289/ns/world_news-europe/

Video of the Week - Top 10 Sports (Rémi GAILLARD).
If you've ever been an active user of YouTube for more than a few months, you will fully understand that it's almost nigh on impossible to escape the charistmatic yet cringeworthy charm of a Rémi Gaillard video. Now the YouTube phenomenon's back with his latest hit that had me accidentally spraying deodrant into my mouth then consequently pulling a face like I'd been shot in the buttock and laughing, all whilst getting ready on a Tuesday morning. His latest creation may only be a compilation of former glories, but its humour still has the same fresh allure as it always has, plus it's almost as funny as birds getting pissed. Definitely worth a look.

Top 10 Sports (Rémi GAILLARD) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kga0eKfeeTE

So guys, those are my best webgems of the week; I hope you all enjoy them half as much as I did. My next blog post will be up by next Thursday, and I hope you all stick with me and keep on reading.

Song Lyrics, Aliens, & Joe Dolce.

Introduction.

As unspoken a topic as it may be, the influence of lyrics embodied within both: the structure and mood of a song is undeniably one of the most primitive yet refined methods of provoking a whole array of emotions a select individual never even knew existed. I personally think that whether people view music as a life choice or alternatively adopt the approach of viewing music as simply a form of escapism, at some point or another in every human being’s lives they have heard a line in a song that has enhanced an extreme positive or negative emotion that they were feeling at the time.

Life's Soundtrack.

Whilst to some people this point may seem rather moot, my own personal view is that for every significant point in life we tend to play out our own soundtrack. This soundtrack is largely based on our emotions which are, in turn, of intrinsic value to a vast number of songs that were crafted by individuals who were also experiencing identical emotions at their point of inspiration. By means of expressing that point in a less convoluted manner, it’s similar to the way that in if a friend experiences a serious situation, be it traumatic or otherwise, they will have gained a knowledge of how to handle such a situation. Now, my point is that if your life happens to play out a similar situation, then your friend, having experienced the same, will provide you with a point of reference for you to deal with the circumstances. Likewise, in times of modern-day supreme emotion we seem to almost instinctively turn to music and the lyrics contained within music as somewhat of a tangible way of viewing our emotions. The beauty of all of this is that even lyrics that don’t seem as palpable in definition are open to interpretation and are therefore open to expressing a variety of different emotions to the people that listen to them.

Why Shia LaBeouf Is The Devil.

I’m not one to be hyperbolic and I’m in no way going to profess that Shaddap You Face by Joe Dolce could provide me or any of you with the pearls of wisdom that we seek to cope with life’s emotional highs and lows any better, but you can’t deny that it makes you feel something. I personally love my iPod and think that the world would be a much glummer place without music, but I respect that a lot of your views will conflict mine in a whole host of ways; it’s just human nature. However, in the wise words of Shia LaBeouf - in reference to his iPod in D. J. Caruso’s Disturbia – "That’s 60 gigs of my life." I think we can all agree with Mr LaBeouf. A truly talented actor as demonstrated in all of his films, apart from in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. No, wait, WTF!? Aliens!?…and Transformers…and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen… and Eagle Eye…Even Stevens wasn’t bad? But all rhetoric aside, wise words from Mr TheBeef nevertheless.

What Music Means To Me.

So, to summarise, I believe that music is underrated and very much underestimated as being a form of communicative medium. I feel that a single line in a song can allow us to spearhead a movement out of life’s darkest times equally as much as it can allow us extract the best out of life for our own personal wellbeing. Lest us not forget that the workings of musicians such as Bob Marley and John Lennon haven’t just assisted people like ourselves through times of great emotion, they’ve shaped the world we live in today. I believe that to be a power that we should never take for granted.